How to build valued relationships for success

We all know that relationships are key to success, but have you considered the different types of relationships, and whether you have those covered?

In my Confident Leadership Framework, I look at six primary relationship areas to focus on as a foundation to become a Happy, Confident, Successful Manager:

Relationship with self - the fundamental block that shapes your beliefs, confidence, behaviours and outcomes;
Relationship with your professional team and direct reports - how you relate to others; the impact you have and whether you nurture, connect, motivate and develop, or micromanage, isolate, criticise and drain;
Relationship with your manager - your manager is often your gatekeeper to your career advancement, development and opportunities. By improving your relationship with yourself, building your self-awareness and honing your people communication skills, you can influence this key relationship, whether you relate person-to-person, or not;
Relationship with your SLT and other strategic influencers - how to build your brand, maximise your exposure, represent your people and champion the things that matter to you, while holding healthy boundaries and honouring your values;
Relationship with your personal team - when focused on your career, it's possible to be taking family, friends and personal relationships for granted. But all of us are people with whole lives, and by valuing and investing in all relationships in our lives, it enriches what we can offer and access elsewhere;
Relationships with your wider network - nurturing connections and opportunities for learning, growth, exposure and thought leadership. Appreciating the network you have, and noticing and filling your gaps, both for now and the long-game.

Where to start?

All of these valued relationships are vitally important, but ultimately, your confidence, happiness and success in any aspect of your life and career is directly impacted by your relationship with yourself. It is the keystone to everything else:

As self-confidence is rooted in self-trust, let's start by exploring: how much do you trust yourself?

Do you trust yourself to always keep your word, and do all the things you say you're going to do?
Do you trust yourself to speak objectively, well and kindly to yourself?
Do you trust you can handle failure?
What about success?

The way you speak to yourself and the things you believe about yourself really matter.

Check point: Keeping your word to yourself and negativity bias

It's very common for people to say to themselves, "I'll do 'x' today" and then break their word, let it slip and don't complete it.

For many of us, we won't break our word to others, but we'll fail to honour the commitments we make to ourselves. That might look like:

Not finishing work on time, when you said that you would.
Not finishing your meetings on time, when you said that you would.
Not taking time to check in and be fully present with each member of your team every day, purely for the sake of connecting as human beings (even if only for 5 minutes), when you said that you would.
Not going to the gym or to bed, when you said you would.
Not staying off alcohol or unhealthy food, when you said that you would.

The human predisposition to negativity bias means that it's also incredibly common for many of us to excessively berate ourselves for what hasn't gone right, or be overly critical and negative about where we feel less than perfect.

But what's the impact of those experiences on your relationship with yourself and your self-trust?

And what's the impact of that on your leadership confidence, effectiveness, wellbeing and team?

When you are directly or indirectly managing others, your degree of self-trust; keeping your word to yourself; holding space to try, fail and learn; speaking kindly and supportively to others and yourself; all set the foundation for trust and an environment of psychological safety.

And trust and psychological safety are essential for high performing, innovative and resilient teams and managers.

Actionable tips

As always, self-awareness is the first step to creating change, so a starting point is to notice:

Where do you break your word to yourself? What does that look like?
Where have you excessively berated yourself, maybe even told yourself that you're not good enough, that you're a failure?
Where have you skipped over celebration or gratitude, telling yourself that's not necessary, only to leap into the next task or project?

In each scenario, take a moment to explore:

What patterns are you noticing?
What are you saying yes to, and what are you saying no to?
What was the impact of this, on your relationship with yourself and your confidence?
And the bit that it's really important to lock in: how can you set yourself up to do it differently, next time?

👉 Lock in the learning: What's your takeaway from this article?

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I’m Genna Clark, a certified Personal Development, Leadership and Life Coach for ambitious managers and small business owners.

My sweet spot is confidence, self-awareness, values-led choices, and giving good people the leadership and communication tools they need to thrive and make a difference.

(You can download my free guide '10 Powerful Habits to Move From Imposter Syndrome to Grounded Confidence' here.)

If you'd like to find out more, you're welcome to DM me with your questions or, better still, let's have a quick chat about what you’re looking for and whether I can help.